Satire: MIT Students for Inalienable Rights wins Nobel Peace Prize
Disclaimer: the following content is intended for entertainment purposes only and is to be considered satire. Any names are purely fictional and all references to places, people, and products are purely coincidental.
The Norwegian Nobel Committee has awarded the 2023 Nobel Peace Prize to Salman Deng, president of the MIT Students for Inalienable Rights (MSIR), for his “trailblazing work in promoting relevant discourse at MIT.”
Salman was elated this morning at 3:28 AM when he got the call from Stockholm. He was up saving a duplicate copy of his inbox of 33,000 emails in a separate hard drive so that they would never be lost. After winning the prize, he cracked open a bottle of what appeared to be Ice Mountain, but explained that this water was not from the glaciers but “melted from woke liberal snowflakes.”
Among the speakers the MSIR has hosted at MIT include scholars from PragerU, journalists from The Epoch Times, influencers from Truth Social, theorists from the Flat Earth Association, feminists from the Menstrual Blood Drinkers, activists from the Oath Keepers and Students for Fair Admissions, and members of The Institute of Spicy Davids.
Salman comes from humble beginnings. In an interview with The Tech, Salman, beaming with a smile that could unite nations and flexing arms that could lift children out of poverty, said, “As a kid, if a Sheila dropped her things in the hallway, I wasn’t gonna help her pick those up. I mean I wasn’t Malala. But now what can I say?”